Previously, on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
You enter the council chamber and the entire room seems to be erupting in argument and chaos.
You hear much heated discussion about the death or suicide of an aide from Neverwinter,
who had been reported as having hanged himself.
And you arrive at the southern base of the Nether Mountains.
I think we go get on them rocks and go back to wherever we came from.
With your new allies behind you, you take off to the sky taking a circle around the caldera
before you head up into the clouds nodding to the dragons.
You head off in the direction of Waterdeep with new information
and alliances to share with the council.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. We are 5th edition D&D Actual Play podcast,
and I am your dungeon master Russ More, and with me today is Amy More.
Wondering, is that the way we say that?
Yeah.
Okay. Nailed it. Well done.
I'm Amy. I play Thea Mastasia.
And Tom Laird.
Hey, that's me. I play Flint Firebeard.
And Carla Johnson.
And that's me. And I play Nulara Moonbrook.
And also with us today is a super special guest.
He goes way back in my life, back to elementary school.
So this is like a nostalgia episode for me because we get to play together again.
It's good. It's good.
But he's a musician. He does podcasting.
He does broadcasting. This is Spencer Joe, who's joining us today.
Folks.
Yeah.
Nice. That's very nice.
Hi, my name's Spencer and today I'm playing Grug Danger Song, also known as Silver Tusk.
All right.
Guys, Spencer's put a lot of work into his character, so don't feel intimidated.
I do because he's better than us. I already feel intimidated.
That work ethic will not rub off on me. Don't worry about it, Russ.
That's a tall order. I sure better.
Well, you know, half of being a musician is pretending like, you know, what you're doing.
So I'm just going to go with that and tell you that, yes, I did prepare a lot of
stuff for this episode.
High charisma roles, high charisma roles all the way through, right?
Yeah.
First, we got to talk about Patreon.
We're on Patreon, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
And if you are a patron of ours, we do a random shout out and dedicate an episode to you.
So today, that patron is Jacob Madden.
Jacob, Jacob, you're awesome.
Thank you for being part of Patreon.
And thank you to all of our patrons and to all of our listeners.
Everybody who is part of the community really is just fantastic.
And we love you all.
Agreed.
So much love.
You know what? Let's just jump into the episode.
You know, enough unless anybody's got random odd banter that we usually do off the top.
No, Spencer's here.
We're all too uncomfortable to be.
Super dark.
I feel like we normally are.
Our dog got fixed on the weekend.
Oh, that's nice.
Yeah.
How is she?
Did she jump on something and pull her stitches immediately or is she being well behaved?
She's jumping on everything, but not pulling her stitches.
OK, well that's good.
I bought a human onesie to put on her and it's not long enough
because she has a long hot dog body apparently.
So I couldn't even awkwardly because her cone doesn't fit inside the kennel.
It's really weird.
We had to we let her sleep with us last night.
It was awful.
She's just awful.
It's going to happen again tonight.
Well, good on you for getting her the procedure.
That's right.
Spay and neuter your pets, folks.
This has been Bob Barker.
It's our PSA.
Yo, Bob Barker.
This episode is going to pick up right after.
For us, this is more for us because you guys haven't really played in a while.
This is going to pick up right after the Dragon Council meeting.
So you guys are heading back from that.
And then we will we will find out where Spencer fits into.
We hitched a ride.
No, you've got some rocks, which are big birds.
Yes, not for rocks, rocks or rocks or bad boys.
I only wanted to ride.
Good boys.
Good boy.
Birds, right?
Isn't a rock like a demon or something?
Yeah, exactly.
But a rock is more like a big giant eagle type thing.
It's like a really large Pacific Islander dude.
And he's so charming.
We have talked about the rock way too much on this podcast.
Well, how can you not?
Great sense of humor, that guy.
The dude is magnetic.
I just listened to one of our previous episodes and we went on and on about how
Carla and I just thought he'd just be the greatest guy to hang out with.
And you guys were like, he's got the same dog as you.
And then I had to Google it and his dog had died.
And we were like, we were all crushed.
Hell of a singing voice, a master of bromance also.
Definitely true.
The smoldering looks.
My daughter Nora has watched Moana, the Disney one that he's in.
She's watched it like 300 times.
So I'm well versed in his exploits.
Yeah, exactly.
No, okay.
Now that song's in my head.
So now you're going to integrate it somehow.
That's damn you Lin-Manuel Miranda.
We'll have to talk to Disney about the licensing for that song.
Oh yeah, that'd be dangerous.
We can afford it.
It's fine.
Don't worry about it.
Our lawyers are excellent.
It's just Disney.
They don't own anything really.
They own everything.
To help out with those licensing fees, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
We're so close to our hundred dollar.
Very close to our our Disney Disney licensing goal,
which is a million dollars by the time this hits the airwaves.
Maybe maybe and we'll be able to license all the Disney.
We are so dang optimistic today.
It's just so optimistic.
Okay, guys, I think Spencer really brings the best.
That's right, Russ.
That's that's nice.
I'd like to think that of myself as well.
Wow.
No, we're all going to be quiet now.
Russ has something important to say.
It's whatever.
Fuck it, guys.
Let's play D&D.
Hey, Tom.
Don't he's going to kill us if you're mean.
I hate Tom.
Yeah, Tom, I don't want to die today.
I know.
I'm sorry.
I take it all back.
Grug Silver Tusk is really the mercenary here to murder you all.
Nah, I knew it.
Finally happened.
Level 20.
Here we go.
Oh, shit.
The flight back from the Nether Mountains to Waterdeep
takes you about three to four days flying by rocks,
needing to stop for rest every eight hours or so.
During that time, some things happened.
Flint.
Yes.
What is one encounter or conversation that happened
while you guys were coming back?
When we ran into the company of Gnolls.
Oh, boy, that was a tale.
Yep, that's it.
That's all that happened.
We just ran into them.
It was very, we were very apologetic.
We excused ourselves and we went on our way.
Good.
Nularaaaa, what was another conversation or encounter that happened?
We flew over more dinosaurs and I got so excited
that I almost fell off the rock I was riding
because I'm real into the dinosaurs.
But it was okay.
I was fine.
Maybe it had been warned I was a bit unreliable as a rider.
Hard to say.
I have a question.
Yeah.
How big is a rock?
Is it like one per person?
Yeah.
Yeah, okay, cool.
Well, Nularaaaa and I had races on our rocks.
Rock races?
Yeah, they were rock races and she won most times
but she let me win a couple times,
made me feel good about myself
because she's so much better with animals
and the whole handling of them.
And I do feel like we bonded a lot on the trip
the same kind of way that we did on the train.
Yeah, we're really getting closer as friends.
Flint, not so much.
It's true.
Just kidding, just kidding.
Well, he decided to ride naked for that little one stretch
like he was standing on his rock
just kind of letting the breeze just get all up and everywhere
after that, we rode in silence for a while.
I'm familiar with some of Flint's naked exploits.
It's been a highlight of my listening experience for sure.
Awesome.
Do you like the character arc
how we started as a never nude
and then drifted into always nude?
I think character development is key in a D&D podcast.
So you guys had a lot of fun, obviously.
There were some things that happened.
And you arrive on the fourth day.
Well, you arrive at night.
You land on the air pad at Castle Waterdeep.
It's you, Thaddeus, and Flamikins, of course.
And you guys land and what do you do?
Sorry, where do we land?
You're on kind of where you landed the airship
at Castle Waterdeep where your rooms and stuff are.
It's nighttime?
Like, is it dinner time?
It's nighttime.
Yeah, it's kind of just after dinner time.
So evening hours.
Well, let's eat some food
unless we just had some hard tack on the back of the rocks.
Everybody loves a good hard tack feed.
Yeah, like some pemmican and I don't know, latmus spread.
Thaddeus pipes up and he says,
I've got to go check my plants.
So I'm going to go home
and check in with you guys tomorrow, if that's all right.
Sounds like the classic.
I think I left the stove on.
Totally.
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, how long have we been gone for
and how long has he had those grungs in the tube?
And has he just been carrying those with him?
Yeah, so since you guys left Waterdeep
the last time you've been gone for like a week and a half.
I think I remember Grant's saying
that those things can survive in there for six months.
I think so, too.
It was a pretty long time.
I was concerned about the tiny frogs.
Yeah.
That's fair.
Yeah, bye, Thaddeus.
Thaddeus heads off and Flamingkens is all right.
Let's go get fucked.
Oh, I like where your head's at.
Like fucked up or?
Yeah, I'm a goblin.
I don't know what things mean.
Okay, because it got really blue
pretty fast out of the gate.
I don't know what you're talking about.
When you edit it back,
it's going to sound like I said fucked up.
Okay, perfect.
All right, excellent.
There's a good case that Russ is always right
because he gets to edit the podcast.
Let's go get fucked up.
I like where your head's at, girl.
Let's do it.
So if there's no opposition,
you head out into the street
and you know the area well enough
and you head to what's known as the Yawning Portal Inn,
a stone building with a slate roof as you walk up to it.
The old inn is four stories tall,
offering three floors for guest rooms
and you walk in and it's bustling
and what you don't know about the
or what you might know about the Yawning Portal Inn
is it is most known for being the opening
to the Undermountain.
So right in the center of this,
there is a large hole that goes straight down.
Like a yawning portal?
Exactly, a yawning portal.
You enter and well-worn boards cover the floor
but the immediate impression is of comfort.
Rich blue tapestries decorate the wood paneled walls
of the common room.
You see a bar where an older grizzled looking man
is tending to patrons.
You look around and see an open table
near the back of the room where there's a stage
where you see as you go up to the table,
stepping up, wiping his mouth
after finishing a meal and drink,
picking up his loot, a tall half-orc
with broad square jaw, crooked tusky teeth,
wild autumn hair and a very prominent furrow brow
and he steps up and he begins to play a song.
There once was three heroes
Great power did they wield
Prodigal adventurers
The finest in their field
They stand tall in the midst of it all
Axe, sword and talons
Against overwhelming evil
They'll bring back the bAlydince
They saved us from the darkness
From an army of undead
Drove a dragon from its lair
This all has been said
They stand tall in the face of it all
And they give the people hope
Against those dirty cultists
They'll be the hangman's rope
And the crowd erupts into a huge applause.
At first I was like, it's about us.
And then I was like, no, those people are too cool.
They sound very accomplished.
I hope you can meet those adventurers.
They sound amazing.
We should totally partner with those people,
whoever they are.
I bet they have a cool group name too.
Right?
Yeah, like the...
Just like we do the...
Oh, you're sky-cut out there, Karla.
And we missed it.
It was a brilliant line, though.
That was a brilliant name.
That was an awesome song, Spencer.
Yeah, that was great, Spencer.
That was awesome.
Hey, who is that up there?
I don't know.
I've never seen him before.
Guys, I don't want to be like all braggie and whatnot,
but I think he may have been singing about us.
I don't...
I mean, it sounded like a really...
We did those things.
Like imagine there was a way, way better version of us.
Sounded like that's what he was singing about.
As you guys are having this conversation,
the bartender comes over and lays down three drinks
which you haven't ordered yet and says,
these ones are on the house.
If you need anything else, just let us know.
Hold up.
We never get on the house things.
Is Flamikinskin's losing her shit
because one wasn't put in front of her?
And she's like, what the fuck?
Excuse me, sir.
Could I have a drink?
He's like, oh, sorry, I didn't see you there.
Yeah, I'll be right back with yours.
How is she supposed to get fucked without a drink?
There's three floors of rooms here.
Something's going to happen.
Stop it.
Or don't.
I love it.
It makes me a little uncomfortable,
but I'm also into it.
Hey, was he singing about you guys?
Like, that kind of sounds like you guys.
Hey, you, friend, what's your name?
Me?
Are you speaking to me while I'm up on the stage?
Well, I suppose I should take a break.
I'll come down.
And he comes down and sits next to,
it's a goblin, right?
Yeah, yeah.
I'm a goblin.
Hello, goblin.
You are very small.
I like you.
You are very tall, good sir.
What is your name?
Well, there are some who call me Silver Tusk
and others who call me Danger Song.
But you, my fine green friend, may call me Grug.
A man of many names.
My name's Flameykins.
Nice to meet you.
Ah, Flameykins.
It's a flaming good time to meet you.
I like your style, man.
Hey, that's a cool song.
Where'd you learn that one?
Well, I travel around playing music for my bread.
And I've been all up and down the Sword Coast
and I can't remember where I picked it up.
But lately, the bards have been singing the song a lot.
And hey, who are your friends?
They look familiar.
Well, I mean, they don't speak a lot.
Well, Thea's looking at the two of them like,
I feel like there's a spark here.
I mean, I'm three foot nothing
and he's like probably seven feet, so.
Opposite the track, girlfriend.
That's cute.
Going to get weird, weird, real quick.
That's where we're going with this storyline.
I have a large backpack.
You may find yourself sitting in.
If this goes well.
I'm new Laura Moonbrook.
It's nice to meet you.
Hello.
I'm Thea.
I'm a Stasia.
That was a really great song.
It sounded really familiar.
And I'm a flint fire beard.
And yeah, it's a hell of a loop you're playing there.
Thank you.
Yes.
It's my weapon of choice.
It has no name.
It's dwarvish.
Yes, I haven't named it.
I haven't named my instrument since.
Well, not since the first one.
What happened to your first one?
Oh, gosh, I broke this story.
Did you like sit on it by accident?
Was it like a mysterious tale or anything you just broke it?
Well, you know, being a half orc, I play some kind of shady places sometimes and
just kind of ended up a big bar brawl.
Sometimes you got to hit someone with a loot.
We get it.
I was lucky.
You should have seen the other loots.
I'm imagining like a sword fight with the loots.
It was a special loot of mine, the first loot I ever got.
I got it from an elven bard after I ate him.
Sorry, after you what?
Ate him.
She scooches a little further away.
And then I decided that I don't like the taste of elves and I might as well
try to survive by playing music instead.
Well, that's quite the turnaround from eating people to playing music.
That's fantastic.
Well, it's very nice to meet you, Grug.
Grug.
All right.
Can we order a drink for Grug?
Yeah, anyone who sings a song like that deserves a-
I just do like the old hand in the air point with like the one more and point at Grug.
Yep.
Yeah, the bartender who was walking over with Flamikins Kinn's drink stopped
and hands it to Grug.
Flamikins Kinn is like, fuck, another one, please.
Poor girl.
She just can't get some.
Well, I have to say I'm really surprised to hear that song and that people are actually
singing it all over.
Does anyone know who these amazing adventurers are?
Well, there are some who have ideas.
Some much smarter than me may know who these three adventurers are.
Oh, I think you know.
But I don't.
Oh, I think you know.
Oh, I do?
I think you do.
I mean, I know.
I know them personally.
They're friends of mine.
They are now.
Oh, is it you?
You're the song.
No way.
Oh, it's so cool to meet you.
Wow.
You guys, can I see the axe?
Yeah, Flint pulls his axe off his back and hands it over to Grug.
Cool axe, man.
Oh, thank you.
I don't have a name for it.
I've never named a weapon before.
Well, it's one that, you know, the people sing about.
So it should maybe have a name.
That's just my thought.
Anyway, I'll have you.
I'll take it under advisement.
How long has it been since you've been been back?
There's lots, lots to tell people are following you.
Yeah, like on Twitter or like my insta?
Well, you know, there's more of an informed debate happening on Twitter.
I'd say it's more of a like an Instagram thing.
The people, the people, they speak of you and they're getting together
and forming resistances in your name.
Have you not heard of this?
We have a name?
I don't know.
What are they calling us?
Yeah, what do people call us when they talk about us?
What do they call us?
Spencer, they call you.
Spencer, your Skype call cut out.
I forced him into this horrible situation.
We're just going to I'm just full steam ahead, Spencer.
What do they call us?
The the not that easy.
They call you.
Oh, God.
Does the bartender arrive to?
Flaming Kins and friends.
I remember, I remember.
I think they call you many things,
but I've heard most frequently the decimators of dragons.
Yeah, I like you're going to you're going to save the realm from the cult.
You've been fighting the cult is what we hear.
We have been indeed.
We have certainly try our best.
Decimators of Dragon sounds like a bit of an oversell,
but we're going to give it our best shot.
Have we ever killed one?
No.
I mean, we usually just like shake them free of their layers, but they get away.
We forcefully evict them and make them search for other layers.
Dragon evicters.
More of like a renovation.
We're very modest.
So resistances.
That sounds great.
There's a banner.
Do you know?
Have you seen the banner?
Where have you been?
You've never heard of any of this, I see.
Geez.
Well, I'll show you.
We were in like a forest for a while and then we've been all over the place.
Secret lair, you know.
He reaches into his pack and he pulls up some parchment and a quill
and he starts sketching out this thing and it shows a sword and an axe crossed.
And then there's the eyes of an owl.
He's like, this is your banner.
You haven't seen this.
Did you guys approve this design or anybody?
I'm looking at both of them.
Yeah, it came by my desk and I okayed it.
I just put their old rubber stamp on it.
He says there are militias all over the realm fighting the cult with this banner.
Since when?
How long have we been gobbling?
I don't know.
Have you heard of this goblin?
Three weeks?
Yeah, well, I haven't heard of it.
I've been stuck with these losers for the last little while.
Yeah, bartender comes back and hands Flamikins a much smaller drink.
Bartender, are you familiar with the banner, this banner, and I show him the picture?
He looks at it.
He says, yes, that's of the Decimator of Dragons, obviously.
Right.
How long's that been going on, would you say?
I can't really remember.
The banner, well, there's been like,
adventures come through here all the time and there's been stories of resistances
popping up for many weeks now.
They've just started filtering in within the last couple weeks,
but they say that it's been going on on the outskirts of where the cult of the dragon
has been expanding for quite some time.
And how are these militias doing?
Are they being successful?
Are they having victories?
Mixed successes, mixed successes, depending on where they've come from.
The deeper you get into cult territory, the less successful they are.
Well, it's nice to know we're not alone in this.
I mean, sure, we have some metallic dragons on our side.
Maybe we should talk to them about switching the names
since the metallic dragons are on our side.
That's a good point.
You don't want to fly that too loud.
But.
Draft up a cease and desist order, I think, would be an order there.
I don't know how I feel about that.
Innocent people are losing their lives in our name,
but they should be fighting for what they think is right.
Name's Dern and I run the joint.
I forget what the question was.
Oh, right.
There wasn't a question.
You guys and your your relations.
Yeah, you are a symbol of hope.
You are driving the cult back wherever you go,
and the cult seems to be, for lack of a better term, scared of you.
But Katniss Everdeen.
And that we are unprepared for what we're about to face.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And a symbol for a bunch of people.
And yeah, and unprepared.
The militias that are forming from the opposite side, either people die,
they concede and are forced to join the cult.
Oh, that's bad.
Or they join these militias if they cannot, if they can.
And then those that cannot fight are sent to here, essentially.
To Waterdeep, to Baldur's Gate, to Luskin.
It's like, where are we?
So you're in Waterdeep.
So forces are amassing in these major centers.
Or the weak people are amassing in the major centers.
Which of it is it?
Yes.
Both?
Both of those.
I mean, we hope that you and the council working together are amassing forces, no?
Yeah, we have a plan.
We have a plan.
Yes.
And it's top secret.
Yeah, we have a top secret plan, but it's really good.
It's a really good top secret plan.
Should I roll a bluff check?
Because I think I have like negative five charms.
Yeah.
Sure.
I mean, he's a little uneasy the fact that you're saying you have a super top secret plan.
Oh, it's a tremendous plan.
It's the best plan.
It's better than anyone else's plan.
All right.
Yeah.
Um, okay.
Well, yeah, symbol of hope.
You guys are, you guys are great.
I won't tell anybody about this conversation we've had because this leads a little,
leads a little doubt to the story.
We're just tired.
Yeah.
It's been a long journey back from the Never Mountains.
Were you guys saying that you hang out, you know,
you're working with the council of Waterdeep?
Is that what you're, is that what I heard you say?
Uh, have you not heard the rumors traveling through
the various cities of the Sword Coast?
No.
You've been gone a little while.
Well, I hate to inform you that they're dying.
Yeah.
Yeah, the council or their aides, there's some-
I'm sorry, you're cutting out.
Does the council have aides?
What's happening?
They died of AIDS?
That's what I got from that.
It's a pretty manageable disease nowadays, but-
Yeah, it's not the death sentence it once was.
It's-
I've, I've heard of aides on-
This is like a, this is like a rank, right?
Pull the rope cord, pull the rope cord so it can happen.
This is like a, a rank of, um, so like, uh, would there be counsellors and then
they have aides, right?
Yeah, yeah.
It's like helpers.
Yeah.
They are people that aid them.
Yep. Yeah, I get you.
Yeah, they're the helpers.
They're the ones who are dying.
What's happening to them?
Some murder, suicides going on.
Some crazy shit.
Should probably get to the bottom of that.
Yeah, that's what I've heard from the other bards.
My buddy was just gigging in Neverwinter last week and he was telling me this.
Well, guys, if there's some, if there's some crazy shit afoot, we gotta
we gotta figure it all out.
For character knowledge, you remember at the last council, you had heard of a
single specific suicide from one of the aides from Neverwinter.
That's what you, the last you had heard of it and you kind of were like-
Isolated incident.
He, isolated incident, pressures of the cults of the dragon.
He was like, whatever.
But now you're hearing that there are multiple-
That's usually what people say before they off themselves, whatever.
Well, that was what you guys said.
We were weird and insensitive.
That doesn't sound like us.
Wait a minute.
That does sound like us.
Yeah, that sounds exactly like our brand of compassion and humanity.
Well, I think we should probably go visit the council and see what's
what's happening with this.
It's too weird to be all separate.
Yeah, it's got to be connected.
Everybody make a perception check.
I love rolling dice.
Oh, I rolled it right off the table and got so excited.
15.
I also rolled a 15, but it's a little more than that because-
18.
I rolled an 11.
Or no, it's just this, isn't it?
You have an 8 perception.
So you got a 23.
Damn.
23.
Where's my perception?
Oh, there it is.
I see it.
Alphabetical.
It comes after nature.
I know my bases.
23.
You hear clear as day, the, well, maybe not clear as day,
but you hear rumblings kind of through, I guess it's a pretty packed place,
but you hear a similar kind of story coming from behind you.
A couple guys talking about how there's been a new murder suicide rumor happening.
Rumor has it that the latest body was taken to the city morgue.
So you kind of hear snippets of that from behind you.
Guys.
Yep, forgot it was an audio podcast.
Tom and I both in video, like, raised our eyebrows like,
yes, friend, please continue.
That's not how this works.
Guys, I just overheard behind us that there has been another murder suicide.
Yeah, you heard the words murder and suicide.
Murder suicide that happened just recently and the body's been taken here to the morgue.
We're going to go to the morgue to look at a dead body because we're really good at that.
Hey, you guys want to see a dead body?
Sure.
Yeah, you know, we're so okay.
Who's who's going to the morgue?
All of us.
Let's invite you guys.
Can I come?
Yes, absolutely.
Do we know where the morgue is?
Because maybe he could show us the way.
I know dead people.
Because I believe we've been in water deep,
but we I don't think we visited the morgue while we were here.
Well, I happen to have lived in this town for city for
good, good long while.
Now I probably could dig the directions to the morgue out of the back of my head.
Perfect.
And you don't you don't mind the kind of the morbidity of.
Yes.
Oh, I dabble.
I dabble in morbidity.
Yeah.
I mean, he ain't a fucking elf.
Yeah, let's just.
He's comfortable around dead bodies.
We probably need him just for that.
I survived in the woods for probably a couple of years doing that.
Yeah.
Eating elves, eating humans, animals, goblins.
So you have you have dinner tonight already?
Yeah.
Well, as soon as I learned how to play the loot,
I figured out that it could get me better dinner than
elves because elves are not that it's not a good taste.
Kind of tough.
They're very stringy.
There's not much meat on this.
Yeah.
I never see a fat elf.
You know, being a half orc, I've been wondering about the teachings of my people.
You know, growing up in the orc tribe, doing the whole violence thing.
I'm just like, I don't know about that so much anymore.
Yeah.
Yeah, I can relate.
I want to be a pirate again.
Cool.
We'll get you back on a boat.
We'll get you back there.
I could sail.
Yeah, I hear they got airships here, too.
That would probably be pretty cool.
Yeah, they fly.
Airship.
Yeah.
All right.
To the morgue.
Let's go.
Hey, how's it going?
I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More.
Thank you so much for joining us for episode 43 of Dumbgeons and Dragons
titled A Friend in the Night Part 1.
We are so excited Spencer could join us for this episode and next episode.
That's right.
There will be two episodes featuring Grug and his musical stylings helping out
the party as they try to figure out the whole murder-suicide situation in Waterdeep.
If you want to find more of Spencer's lovely music, you can find them at
spencerjo.bandcamp.com or on his Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram pages,
which I'll link in the description.
If you want to support us directly and you enjoy the show and want to get more,
the easiest way to do that is to join the Dumb Dragon Cast Patreon community.
You can visit Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast and see all the tiers and rewards.
And in fact, we just did a little revamp of the reward levels.
So we have more options and more things that you can get in on
at different levels that can suit your budget.
And we're super close to our next goal, which when we reach that,
we'll be doing a great giveaway and adding more content to the community every month,
like fortnightly character sheets fully fleshed out with backstories for you to take
and use at your gaming table.
Every one of the players and myself will be contributing to that
and are super excited to be able to offer you fun things that you can take away
from the show and use at your own table.
Again, Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast.
We hope to see you over there.
All of our social media links can be found at DumbDragons.com.
So go check out the website and join, follow or like where you can today.
One final thing.
Thanks to Sirenscape for some of the amazing atmosphere and music.
Make sure you check them out at Sirenscape.com to bring your games to life.
You just gotta be using it at your gaming table.
Links for everything mentioned today can be found in the description.
The next episode will be out July 11th, which is only a week away.
I know I said we'd be back to a regular schedule, but we're trying something out.
Plus we want to get you that second half of the super fun adventure.
That's right.
So that's it.
Let's dive back in and see what's going on at the morgue.
Have a great week.
We'll talk soon.
We, we pay for the beers that weren't free.
They were all free.
Well, they were all free.
That's nice.
Okay.
Well, we high five the bartender.
That's on our way out.
Pretty sweet.
A line of high fives coming out of it.
Yes.
Like a softball team kind of thing, everybody running back.
But like real ones.
Not those like.
Yeah, not those.
Oh, he did that.
It was so gross.
Like the limp, clammy hands just going down a line.
Yeah, no, it's not.
I mean, we all know it was a good game.
Anyway, to the morgue.
We all know it's a cookie.
Let's go find some limp, clammy hands.
Well, we're going to the right place.
Yeah, let's do it.
I don't know if Rick and Mortis is set in.
That high five could be tight.
Oh, that's true.
Yeah, so.
Grug, Grug, Grug knows the way to the morgue.
Pretty handy way.
We follow him.
And you get to the morgue and it seems like it's all locked up for the night.
I don't think that's a problem because I think I have thieves tools.
I do.
You do?
I want to break into here.
All right.
I'm going to do it.
I'm going to pick this lock.
OK, make a thieves tools check.
I'm going to innocently whistle while she's doing that.
Roll, roll, roll an aiding or a helping.
Is this probably?
What do I roll for that?
Well, you're trying to probably distract.
So is this a dex performance?
OK, that is a 17.
Fuck.
That's some good whistling, my dude.
16.
So plus another two for his helping you.
Yeah, you managed to it takes you a minute, but you get in it and shimmy the lock open
and you're inside a dark morgue.
I produce flame in my hand.
So that I say I like a banana and a glowing orb comes out guys.
She says banana to light up the ball.
I don't know if you caught that there, there, Grug.
I don't get it.
Yeah, I know.
Was that like a safe word?
No, weird bunch.
Bunch of bananas.
All right, let's go find a dead body.
So we look around.
What do we see in this morgue?
Oh, you're going to kind of like the front entryway, like the reception area.
We have a really hard time getting past reception areas.
Is there like a desk?
There's a desk.
Yeah.
And then like a room going back.
Any of these rooms labeled?
Yeah, one says dead bodies.
Oh, perfect.
Let's go look for the one that says dead bodies.
Really insensitive though, right?
It is.
I mean factual.
Medieval.
See, the problem is we didn't see the other sign that says
if you go in this room, you will become and then it says dead bodies.
Oh, you will become dead bodies?
Yeah.
Grammar in that sign killed me.
It's a sign, Amy.
OK, so you go into the dead bodies room and there are, in fact,
two dead bodies laid out on the table.
And only two?
Are they covered with the sheets?
Thank goodness.
Seemingly only two.
Are they covered with sheets?
Do they have toe tags?
No, no toe tags.
They're just naked on a tray?
What's happening?
Well, no, they have clothes.
It looks like they were just brought in there.
Well, no, but usually when they are examined post-mortem,
they take their clothes off.
So I'm not just being gross this time.
I know.
I've watched CSI.
Although I also seem to remember Russ going back to somebody
being naked on a slab numerous times in our Patreon episodes.
I just listened to that one.
Actually, it was fairly inappropriate.
I was uncomfortable as I was listening.
I was like, no, get away from him.
Somebody save him from Russ.
Just trying to create narrative.
That's all I'm doing.
Russ's character was a predator.
A creepo.
Extraordinary.
A means to an end.
The things we do.
No, this was someone we were rescuing
that was just tied down on a table.
I'm gonna have to subscribe for that one.
You might.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast
for all your naked guys on slabs.
So we've got a couple of clothed people on slabs.
Men?
Humans?
Yes, two humans in more or less official attire
and they look like they are.
One of them has markings from Waterdeep
and one has markings from Neverwinter.
I cast Detect Magic on the bodies.
Don't see any magic.
Guys, it wasn't magical.
Is there obvious...
Can we tell how they died?
Is there an arrow sticking out of one in a comical way
through its head?
Yeah, exactly.
One looks like he has his head kind of bludgeoned in.
I bet that's the murder.
I'm guessing.
Yeah.
The other after some closer...
Maybe make an investigation check.
Okie dokie.
I got a 15.
Yeah.
Oh, Jesus.
Spencer, are you okay?
Two.
So Nularaaaia, you're taking a look at the second body
and you see marks around his neck
that look to be like he might have hung himself.
It doesn't look like a hand,
but it looks like maybe a rope or a sheet of some sort.
I'm going to speak with that one.
Sure.
I cast Speak With Dead.
Fuck yeah, you do.
Oh yeah.
I think it's a ritual, actually.
So let's see here.
No, it only takes me one action.
So I just kind of like...
Okay.
Okay, just let's see here.
Oh, yes.
The body sits up on the slab.
Sorry, is this the one that was hung?
I get five questions.
Yep.
Yeah, this is the one that was hung.
Yes.
Why did you die?
I was told to hang myself.
By whom?
She does not have a name that I know.
She compelled me to do what I did, though.
Sounds like some enchantment bullshit, fellas.
She sounds like a bitch, a righteous bitch.
Can we get a physical description of this righteous bitch?
What did she look like?
She had long red hair.
She stood about your height, and he points to Thea.
She has eyes as black as night, and she wears silk robes.
Red silk robes.
Does this sound like anyone that we know?
I don't think so.
We've run into some women on the council,
but if it was a counselor, he would know who she was, right?
Yeah, she would have a name.
He also says she is very beautiful.
All right, I've got two questions left, guys.
What do you think?
Do we want to know if, like, she came to him to tell him that,
or if, like, how he was compelled?
Does that make sense, like, or was it?
How did you meet this woman?
Like, how do you know this woman?
Yeah.
How did you come across this woman?
She came to me, and I found myself drawn to her.
I was at a tavern in the Field Ward,
which is an area in Waterdeep for those playing the home game.
Or this game.
Or this one.
This game, yep.
The place is the Lonely Whip.
That's the only time I met her there.
What did that mean?
He met her somewhere else some other times?
I guess so.
Be more clear, corpse.
The Lonely Whip.
We have one more question.
Yeah, like, do we want to know if he...
Well, no.
I don't know.
Anybody?
Oh, should we do the thing like pushing daisies
and ask, like, what's one thing that he would like us
to tell his loved ones, blah, blah, blah?
That's sweet.
Sweet as hell added the blah, blah, blah.
Well, I like any reference to pushing daisies.
I could go on that.
You want to go on that?
Yeah, let's do that.
I think we have the information we need to pursue this installment.
I say, corpse, do you have any messages for the living?
The corpse pauses and says,
tell my wife I loved her.
So he's not going to tell us who his wife is?
Oh, we can probably figure that out.
It's fine.
Since he's an aide and...
Yeah.
All right.
And after that question is asked,
his body lowers back to the slab
and he is again, but a corpse.
Hey, Grug, pretty cool trick talking to that corpse.
Very handy.
Yeah, I've always wanted to try that one out.
Well, it's hard to do after you've eaten them.
It just doesn't seem right.
Half of them is missing.
They're like, oh, good God.
So how is that for you?
If you were to rate me on Yelp, what would you give?
I'm going to have to leave a five-star review.
Would you have preferred not to be eaten?
I see.
Yeah, probably.
Grug, do you know where the lonely whip is?
Oh, the field ward.
I know where the field ward is for sure.
The lonely whip will have to look around.
Maybe something will jog my memory.
Y'all want to head over there, look for a red-haired beauty?
With black eyes, apparently.
Yeah.
Like West Borland eyes.
Is there any file or anything on the desk
that might give me a hint as to his name
so that we can track down his wife?
No, I mean, it looks like the bodies were just brought in,
so not much has been done with them as of yet.
Okay, cool.
Are we able to stop by the council
and grab a uniform for someone?
Because if she's targeting people
that are in these uniforms that are working
for certain towns or whatever,
we should probably dress up like one of them?
I mean, you guys have badges.
Yeah, you remember?
Again with the goddamn badges, hey Ross?
We demanded the badges, I think.
I give you guys the shit you asked for
and then you never use it.
Yeah.
Well, when have we had to flash a badge?
I mean, you could flash your badges all over the place, but.
Could.
And Flint does.
Put it on your hat.
That's a good marking.
I don't have a hat.
Oh, do you want one?
I have one.
No, I don't think I'm really a hat kind of gal.
Good.
Thanks, though.
I like my hat.
I'll keep it.
I take my badge out and I attach it to my the strap of my quiver there.
Now I'm super official.
Now, if anyone comes in here, I'll be like, hey, respect the badge.
And then I'll turn to someone and say, I've always wanted to say that.
And that's how that interaction will go.
We don't even have to do it now.
See, it's done in your head already.
Yeah, that's fair.
Yeah, so you guys head to the field ward.
It takes you probably about an hour to get there.
You guys talk about anything on your way.
I turn to Donnie and I say, so when are you going to be a big dragon, Donnie?
OK, how did we resolve that, though?
I think you guys decided that it was a choice that Donnie and Nulara could make.
Am I wrong?
Oh, I thought I I remember that differently.
I thought we had decided it would be like basically permanent, but he has to put
the collar on and maybe he hasn't done that yet.
Yeah, sure.
We'll say Donnie hasn't done that yet because we haven't established that there's a gold
dragon wormling following you guys around.
Yes, and that would need some explanation, probably.
He says, well, I mean, whenever she gives me the fucking kala, I'm just going to be
great. It'd be good.
And, Grug, you notice a pseudo dragon kind of poke his head out of Nulara's bag.
Whoa.
Hello, hey, pseudo dragon, I, I, I, are you doing there?
I like your accent.
Are you from Boston?
I mean, deep in my lineage, I'm sure I am there.
Uh, most recently, though, I'm from this bag here.
Hi, I'm Donnie from the bag from this bag.
All right.
Are we there yet?
All right.
Are we there yet?
Yeah, let's fucking get there already.
Jesus.
Music in today's episode was by Kavin Macleod of incompetent.filmmusic.io.
Oh, Spencer disappeared.
Oh, he did.
Spencer, come back.
Okay.
Yeah, bye, Francis.
Nope, Thaddeus.
We already said goodbye to him.
We said a final goodbye to him.
Or did we?
See you tomorrow, Thaddeus.
Wait, it's.
I don't know where I was going to go with that.
Okay, so just wait.
All right.
I'm going to wait for a minute.
I had a thought.
I'm an older man.
Well, Thaddeus just left, so we need a new older man in the party.
We can't be without someone.
It's kind of our thing.
It's Dumbgeons and Dragons and an old dude.
And that's you.
That's me.
And you're the youngest of us all, so that's cute.
We just got.
Oh, just got back.
Yeah, I think Carlo saying we just flew into town.
And boy, our arms are tired.
I wish that's what I said.
I mean, I had only booked the musician tonight,
but if you want to get up and do a set, that would be.
I've got a tight two minutes.
So let's wait on a tight five.
A tight two on rock travel.
Still working on that tight five.
It's just somebody's basement freezer.
Why did you put them in air quotes?
Yeah, it's just somebody's cold storage room.
Yes, it's a tent.
It's 10.
Yeah, it's just a hole.
Tom Cruise risky business kind of morgue.
Yeah, exactly.
I think they were operating a brothel over there,
so it would have been an air quotes morgue.
Let's go have some fun at the morgue.
Someone's knocking on my door, you guys.
I'm really sorry, but it must be the owner of the place.
Someone's knocking on your door.
We'll be waiting for you.
She's at a cabin in the woods.
It's not good.
Come on, open the door.
Keep the live stream going, guys.
Why did you do what you did?
Do you have to be more specific?
Ask him why he killed himself and that other guy.
I can see Rats being like, I did a lot of things.
Well, last time we had to ask a question.
You mean kiss my wife's sister?
I don't know.
Oh, I hate that scene.
That's what you're talking about.
That was edited perfectly.
None of my jokes are good enough.
I have to keep it for now.
I was trying so hard.
Like, keep them holstered.
Nothing.
I was looking at a list of names.
I was like, no, too easy a joke, too easy a joke.
I'm going to make them work for it.
I'll get there.
100%.
I thought Russ was going to start reeling off that
don't forget to wear sunscreen thing from like,
remember like 2001?
Like the boss lerman thing?
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.